People of Walmart: In-home Safari Edition

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So, this morning, I was fortunate enough to observe this little critter in the kitchen.  The live-in boyfriend in his natural habitat.  These creatures are extraordinarily rare and usually only allow themselves to be sighted in this exemplary state after you’ve dedicated at least 3 years to tracking them and observing their behaviors.

Once they’ve become accustomed to your presence in their environment, they may grow comfortable enough to display some of their atavistic preferences, natural inclinations and primal behaviors.  (For instance, the live in boyfriend may produce confusing vocalizations indicating that it wants to have a sexual relationship with you, even though it is 3pm and if you scour its preferred area of the lair, the careful observer will note that its crudely crafted toothbrush is still dry as a motherf#cking bone.)

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During mating season, the creature will often hike its pant leg up to let other males see that its feet are serious, and fan out its decorative laces to attract females.

 Note the great lengths it goes to in order to camouflage itself into the grunge of its current surroundings.  Nature has flawlessly equipped its body with the precise and distinct features it requires for survival in hostile terrain.  Marvel at how its feet are endowed with natural roach stompers, ready to spring into action at the first sign of a threat.  Why, this particular pair seems stout enough to defend against even large game, should an errant moose appear without warning.

Note the speed and agility with which the specimen reacts when it senses roach-approach

Note the speed and agility with which the specimen reacts when it senses roach-approach

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Many people will go a lifetime without beholding this proud, beautiful animal.  Although nature is the true artist of this scene, and I but a mere painter, I consider myself blessed.       And deeply humbled by the things I’ve seen.

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